It’s been a while since we had a WFH heart to heart isn’t it? I initially started writing these blog posts as a diary like response to a really bloody weird situation, and since have realised- that actually in some weeks I’ll have a lot to say, and others very little at all (unless ‘asdfghjkl’ counts).
Oh Liv. It’s a little like when I used to ask for a Jacqueline Wilson diary every year for Christmas, and typically only make it to about June until my sentences turned to words which then turned to a smiley… Maybe I’m just not destined for long form diary writing?
But saying that, with the current climate- I didn’t consider the brain fog, the days where any item of clothing with less than 60% elastic was a bad idea, and the days where even deciding whether the shower felt like a mountain to climb (I know, tiny violin- but bad days will do that to you). All the while, grappling with the reality that a lot of people have it much, much worse. It can feel selfish, or even silly to struggle on the days where you’re safe at home- working, cooking or enjoying an activity you’d otherwise never make time to enjoy.
I loved this post from Charlotte from Girl on Film, where she says;
‘I treasure summer evenings. There’s something endlessly nostalgic about grass under your feet- that smell of flowers, the hum of crickets. And yet, it feels ignorant to enjoy the peace of a silent park. When we’re surrounded by loss – by injustice. I can’t help but feel guilty as I feel a wave of relaxation. As if my moment of joy is an insult to those that continue to suffer the consequences of our brutal reality. So, this is a reminder that out current emotional co-existence is a complex one. That our ever changing feelings are valid.’
And that’s just it. All of these feels and experiences are valid, and everything is relative. Acknowledgement is key, but so is being kind and gentle too.
And this week, it’s cleared a little. I’ve gotten into a routine (well until next week at least) and it seems to work for me- *ANGELS SING*. I know the classes I like to do weekly- be it a Psycle barre class on a Monday and then full body on a Saturday. I actually, genuinely look forward to them. Although it feels trivial- having those small things to look forward to gives me some kind of structure and control when everything else seems so unpredictable too. I’ve realised I am a creature of routine and habit, and need a neatly organised diary to be able to navigate the week like a smooth cruise rather than a bloody mountain expedition. I am Ben Stiller in Along Came Polly- bar nuts and all and that is ok.
I’ve also been hosting daily workshops and lives over on The Insecure Girls’ Club with some friends of the club, which have been amazing this week too. Admittedly I’ve been bricking it before every single one (the ‘oh god do I need the loo again?!’ panic is always there)- but it’s been so lovely to exercise, paint and meditate with you all this week, and feel a little bit closer to the wonderful community of women out there- all experiencing this in parallel ways under the same sky- no matter what the situation.
Finally, I thought I’d end on a high note, and share some of the other lovely things I’ve been enjoying over this less-than-lovely period. I’d love to know what you’ve been doing on the day to day- and, mostly- how are you? Sending lots of love to you all.
Little rays of sunshine:
– Fan girling intensely to Haim’s dance classes- every Sunday on Zoom, and then an hour later on Instagram live- an hour to learn a dance with three of the coolest women in the world.
– Letters from friends. From friendship bracelets, postcards and chocolate bars. Receiving post not from HMRC is a joy and a total heart warming treat.
– Reliving this time last year and the countdown to our wedding (even if I wish I could go back to it). On this day I was about to see Magic Mike- which, yes, I would very much rather like to do again.
– FINALLY watching all of the nineties coming of age films that bypassed me in a worryingly big way. There’s a post coming soon on this but how nobody ever told me about this scene is, quite frankly, criminal. TEN MILLION VIEWS AND NOT ONE FROM ME.
– Cooking more (yes Liv because restaurants are like, illegal).
– Learning to listen to my body- sometimes you’ll want to get up at 7, and sometimes sleeping until 10 is needed and necessary and not something to be punished for. Sleep is gooooood.