Gosh, it’s been a hot minute hasn’t it?
As I sit down on a very light (21.25pm) Sunday night (on the Sunday that would have been Glastonbury weekend which should pretty much be a Bank Holiday), I realise it’s been just over a month since I published a blog post- perhaps the longest since the wedding last year?
Anyway- hello, it’s me- I’m here, and I’m sorry for being a little quiet. I think we’ve all been experiencing a lot over the last few weeks, and despite being someone who thought they had a lockdown ‘routine’ sussed, was actually very wrong indeed and swiftly had the rug pulled from under my feet in more ways than one. A note to self: just because you prescribe to a very set routine and Psycle classes (which I still cannot bloody spell), doesn’t always mean your body and minds doesn’t need a break.
Smug ‘leggings Liv’ of last month had no idea- in some ways it’s been incredibly challenging and in some ways a very good thing indeed (which in no way should be interpreted as cryptic, I promise).
Anyway- with the lengthening of lockdown came a mini existential crisis, a 27th birthday (which was actually really lovely and almost a little ‘normal’) with a total feeling of exhaustion on top. The non-stop of weeks of trying to pour myself into everything coming to a small dimmer and the need to step back felt like the best, and healthiest thing to do. It’s arguably the first time I’ve listened to my body in months, but spending afternoons reading, indulging in the odd episode of A New Life in The Sun and resting has been essential. It’s been a luxury of course, but if there’s one thing I’ve learn in my 27 years it’s that you really can’t pour from an empty cup- at least not this cup anyway. There’s been a fair bit of reflection (which I’m sure we can all agree has been a handy exercise), some moments of comparison (where I had to have a sharp word and remind myself that a pandemic isn’t a portfolio piece, Liv) and a necessary brownie order from Isobel Bakes to see me through in-between.
And of course with reflection, comes an immense time of learning too. The last few weeks have been shamefully eye opening for so many, myself included- and like every other white business owner, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I can go forward, be a better ally, friend, listen, acknowledge my wrongdoings and go forward better with my house in order. To make this space fairer, more inclusive and ensure I’m part of an industry that I, and we can all truly feel proud to be part of. I know so many are doing incredible things to drive this forward too (see The Creator Union here, which is so, so brilliant and doing some hugely necessary things)- but I can’t be half-hearted, complicit or forgetful when it comes to making sure I am consistently asking the questions and ensuring the answers are fair, supportive and progressive for everyone- and not just those that look like me.
At the beginning of the month, I also signed up to one of Nova Reid’s courses and it was truly life changing. If anti-racism work is something you want to learn more about, then you can start here with her incredibly helpful guide– but I cannot recommend looking into Nova’s courses enough. It’s been invaluable in unlearning, accountability and finding confidence to start conversations where perhaps I’d have kept quiet before, and I am so grateful. Obviously- I have, and am only scratching the surface of this lifelong work- but being able to hold myself accountable and learn that guilt, shame and remorse- although valid, are very impractical emotions when it comes to progression, development and change.
On top of that, I’ve also been writing a ‘paper’ diary since the beginning of June. I selfishly felt like I wanted a little something for myself, for my concerns, worries and little ‘silly’ moments; which, with everything going on in the world- seemed futile and too self indulgent to share here (lol, Liv it’s a blog… about you, get a grip). But thankfully, after a bit of a difficult weekend- seeing some friends IRL, a new Haim album which I think we all deserve and a couple of phone calls to friends long enough to possibly clarify as podcasts- I’m feeling a lot more myself.
So thank you for bearing with me for this ramble- I wanted to properly check in not just with a ‘hey! Here I am here’s a nice dress’ chat- but actually fill you in a little. I’m feeling a lot more positive, filled up and ready to go this week and hope you’ve all been being gentle, and taking care of yourselves too. I have lots of blog posts lined up and hopefully a handful more of my wardrobe videos coming too, but know I’m always here for a natter (on email, Instagram or what have you) if you’re ever feeling the same.
Thank you for always guiding, supporting and listening. You’re truly a top bunch.